Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
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Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I touched a dick in church today
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