She's JV to your varsity
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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