the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize