So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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