You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
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the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
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Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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