she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
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i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Couch. On fire.
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