doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize