Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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