all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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