You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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