hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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