New invention idea: vibrating tampons
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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