we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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