You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize