Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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