Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
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it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
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I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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