Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize