he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
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When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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