His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
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Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
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I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
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