plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize