Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
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