I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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