i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
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She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
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His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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