I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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