remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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