12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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