She is in my trunk
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I need a beard to bite.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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