fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
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