Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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