You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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