Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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