Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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