i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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