I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
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Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
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