My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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