yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize