I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize