I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
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She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
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There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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