I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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