1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if only i could text you this smell
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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