do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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