Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize