You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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