When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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