i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
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That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
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Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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