8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize