Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize