Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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