Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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