PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
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he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
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I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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